myUsearch blog

One of my wife’s good friends from college (Columbia University) recently came to visit for a weekend. Quick background: this friend happens to be a former private college counselor; she is currently enjoying life in the admissions office at a top, private school in Wisconsin. Aside from all of their hilarious memories shared (though I have heard them many times, they still make me laugh), I was offered some very interesting insight on their Ivy League experiences and the “pressure to find a ‘successful’ career” as they remembered it, for many months leading up to graduation day.

Photo by adobemac 

I can’t easily compare my experience with theirs as I enrolled in an M.A. program immediately after graduation, and to me, that was all that mattered. Luckily, I was offered a full-time position on campus after graduation, then (oh my goodness!) a graduate assistantship coaching, then a part-time research job, then another graduate assistantship. For me, this period of my life seemed blessed. At the time, it was living a dream. I was actually able to pursue avenues that were mine to choose. However, at the same time, I remember very little pressure coming from my mom, my friends or professors. I was never venturing home to find someone waiting for me with tips on how to approach an interview, how I should dress or what I should say to people. I never heard anyone say, “You need to be networking!” Thankfully, people in my life seemed to think it was okay for me to just pursue whatever options I had at the time and that no life decisions had to be made on the spot. This, however, was so clearly not the case with these two Ivy Leaguers.

Not only did they both suffer great anxieties during the entirety of their senior year but so did everyone else who they could remember. There is the friend who got an “amazing” job as an investment banker but quit within months and was, four years later, earning $7/hr getting coffee for folks on various production sets in Hollywood- she’s 28 and still working towards her dream. There are the group of friends who all got the coveted internships at the financial companies (i.e. Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch) and who, since getting these prestigious positions post-graduation, have all left them and entered into ‘power firms’ such as The Peace Corps, Teach America and TEFL programs, in any of a number of exotic countries abroad. So, naturally, the next question that comes to mind: where is this pressure created?

Who is it created by?

My answer (my answer for just about everything): Parents. Why? It is true that parents work hard and want more for their children. It is true that parents, whether they are financially supporting a student or not, ARE responsible for support in other forms (i.e. emotional, psychological, verbal, etc …). So, it’s easy to understand, taking this (and so much more) into consideration, why a parent would feel so invested in the college education of their student. Say a family did invest anywhere from $10,000 to $200,000 in that university education, it’s fair to expect something in return, right? It’s fair to expect that your student will come out of college as an enlightened and highly motivated, money-earning machine. No. In fact, it’s not only completely unfair to have those (or any) expectations, but it’s entirely impractical. A parent can have no concept of what their student went through, learned or experienced during the college years. I spoke to my mom on an extremely regular basis (still do, in fact) and am very open with what I share with her. However, for her to have a concept of what should fulfill me … not a chance. Every parent applauds the son or daughter of their friend who enlists in the Peace Corps or Volunteer America. But the minute your son or daughter tells you that this is what he/she wants to do- err, not good, right?

My fiance’s friend told us about how her mom still says things to her like, “you graduated from Columbia, why are you dating HIM?”; “You have an Ivy League education and you’re making so little”. Aye, as if young people who have been well educated, ever needed anyone reminding them of the disparities in life or, for that matter, the possibilities on the “other side”.

Certainly it’s not ALL on mom and dad. Another significant contributor to the pressure: the schools, themselves. They reap the rewards of having their alumni become CEO’s and Senators. However, if you do the simple math, it’s impractical to think that each student is going to be a financial “success” directly out of college- or EVER, for that matter. Just like every university is looking to diversify its student body with valedictorians and athletes, thespians and activists, when these folks graduate they won’t all be streamlined into the financial sector. But what are they told when they get to school? At orientation? During freshman convocation ceremonies? They are told that they are tomorrow’s leaders, the next President, the next CEO . . . Well, what about being the next Teacher or the next great Librarian? What about being the next person to volunteer with an orphanage in Namibia? Or climb Mt. Kilimanjaro? Or, perhaps, instead of being the “next” anything, maybe they could tell you how you’re the ‘First YOU’ and because of that, they will open up and make available any doors and avenues that they can in order to give you a better opportunity to blaze your own trail. Ahh, the old art of being an individual. Don’t succumb to the pressure of the place. Create your own environment and reaffirm that your convictions are right.

Now, understand that I do not believe that everyone who takes that coveted Goldman Sachs internship straight out of college is just confused. There are certainly those out there who do know precisely where they want to be and how they’re going to get there. More power to them. This, however, is rare. Commendable, yes. But rare, nonetheless. So, instead of urging colleges and universities to tout their elitism according to their quick graduate job placement, let’s take a survey of satisfaction with university career services and centers , 4, 10, 16 months post-graduation. Let’s see which schools are really in it for their students and which are in it for their ranking.

So, when you’re starting to feel the pressure to be placed in a fantastic position upon graduation. Please remember, there’s always going to be time to feel anxieties and pressures. Senior year of college is such a valuable time and transition that it does not need to be overshadowed by the job search process. Oh, this reminds me: the concept is the same for high school. The next step will work out just fine. You will get in somewhere. We just don’t know where … yet. Keep working hard and learning to enjoy your hard work for what it is- purposeful. I commend you all on your patience and perspective. Parents, you especially. What I have said is extremely difficult to do as a parent, I am sure. However, know that you are doing everything you can by giving your student the freedom to choose and the freedom of his/her convictions. Cheers! Thanks for reading.

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