myUsearch blog

My mom was swooning after our visit to Northwestern and loved its proximity to her sister’s family. My dad was clinging to the hope that I might stay in-state and go to Colorado College. My older sister was practically begging me to apply to a prestigious east coast school, any prestigious east coast school. I, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in any of the above. And then I received my acceptance to my dream school, Seattle University.

Choosing a college is not only stressful, it’s deafening. Neighbors, friends and folks you hardly know will ask you where you want to go-and then tell you where you should go. Your family, of course, will make no less ruckus, but it’s important (albeit challenging) to take their thoughts into account. Most likely, they’ll be financing at least part of your education. And of course, they are probably looking out for your best interest. Remember: it’s going to be an adjustment for them, too. Be sensitive to their opinions and anxieties, and be willing to share your own. Putting these out in the open from the start and continuing these conversations as you progress will make the rest of the process much less tense. Plus, it will allow you to look into the ways that the schools you like can appeal to the things your parents are looking for.

Let your family be as involved as possible. By bringing your parents to campus visits and other admissions events, they can start to feel the reality of the change and become more comfortable with the schools. In my case, one of the biggest difficulties will be going to a state where I have no family. Once my parents and I visited Seattle U, we learned to love the location and felt very good about the school’s staff, safety measures, and opportunities. Still, I know that didn’t solve all the anxiety, so throughout the school year we’ll be communicating at least weekly via phone and webcam.

Keep an open mind. Throughout the college search process, I was (and am) still forming myself, and many of my ideas about what I wanted in a school changed over the course of senior year. The perspective to be gained from your family members is unique and valuable. When I spoke with Seattle U’s study abroad representatives, I oohed and ahhed over all the places I could go. When my dad talked to the same people, he asked whether my scholarships would still apply during terms abroad-less glamorous perhaps, but ultimately a dealbreaker in whether or not I’d even be able to go.

You should also be as informed as possible before you can be too stubborn about anything. I realized a lot of my aversion to east coast schools was based on assumptions and stereotypes I had about the people and environment, which were blatantly false. Before you give into stereotypes, do some research online (start at myUsearch, shameless plug, I know) and try to go right to the source. Had I spoken to students at those schools sooner or visited campuses, I would have seen what I was missing firsthand. Then again, my sister’s obsession with those schools was also based on her own assumptions. By arguing from such a shallow context, neither of us were being very convincing (or civil, for that matter).

Regardless, it’s still your decision. It will affect your life more than anyone else’s. The most important thing isn’t figuring out how to please everybody; it’s learning to come to a decision peacefully and respectfully. Keep your family updated on your thoughts and progress, and keep in check with theirs. Avoid dropping a bombshell when you announce your final decision and you’ll do just fine.

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